My underwear smells like fireworks.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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