I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
this is an emotional support booty call
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
