I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
thus making me awesome and them whores
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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