that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
