I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
