guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
high people should be assigned attendants
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
