she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
