take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
