There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
