i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
