i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
