: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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