I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
