I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
