I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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