It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
