you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
