I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
