that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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