That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
