is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
