dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
