im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Rumble strips road head = magical
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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