he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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