i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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