She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
