No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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