How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
