I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
