She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
