You don't have asthma, your pregnant
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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