...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
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Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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