You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
