He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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