i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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