I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
