I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
