i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
