like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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