i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish you could order shots online.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
