i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
