You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
