if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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