these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
