Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
