Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize