if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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