He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
