I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
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