Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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