yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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