she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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