Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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