whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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