I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
