I'm so fucking centered right now
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
