i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
