i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
