I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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