my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
