sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
